I'm pissed off! The cancer is back, as I'm sure you all know. This time, it's here to stay. I'm pissed off, did I mention? I've seen one doctor or another every day for the last two weeks. I've had gazillion tests, I've been probed and pocked. I'm tired. Not one piece of good news. Well, putting things in perspective- I could have been hit by a bus. But I wasn't. I've been given the gift of living with the knowledge that I don't have long. Consider this the "chronicles of death foretold." As I'm spinning around, attempting to find a stable post, I need to think how to best spend the time I have left. The only problems is- I have no idea how much time there is. Of course everybody is supportive and loving- what else would you do when a friend is told she's going to die? I appreciate it. I really do. However, it's like attending your own funeral. You appreciate the love and support, and you're glad everyone showed up, but...you don't really want to be there!